So after thinking the past couple of days and talking with a few friends, I have decided to cut an ex out of my life. I figured since he and I were the whole HS sweethearts thing we could still be friends now that we are in our mid 20s. However, he continues to hold on to issues that are from way back in the past then throw them in my face in a joking manner and bring me down. I am tired of dealing with it and tired of trying to make this friendship work when I don't get the same amount of respect in return. I have tried and tried repeatedly to be friends with him and make him see how much I care about him and that their are no hard feelings and have apologized for hurting him, yet even when things are good, he still continues to bring up certain subjects, in a joking manner, to throw in my face. This person obviously has some issues with me personally, still, and it's affecting their life. They paint me out to be this bad person whenever they talk to their friends about me, yet they don't realize what I had to endure throughout our relationship from the past. They try to make it out that they were this saint and I was just this horrible person. I figured that after not talking for 2 years b/c of a previous g/f he had, he would have moved on, yet I think she probably made him have more issues on top of what he was dealing with with me.
When we finally did talk after his relationship, I apologize for past issues, we had it out...basically duked it out like how we've always done when we have a problem with each other...I didn't expect it to be hunky dorey from the get go, but I figured things would show an improvement. They did however it felt like a roller coaster ride. One minute we would be friends and the next we'd be fighting. We would fight over stupid stuff, but with he and I, it gets blown WAY up and since both of us have tempers and like to go back and forth with whoever can have the better "blow" at the other person, it just still seemed like he had issues. I have talked to Matt a lot about this subject and he sees what it does to me and how mad I get over this stupid issue. It's not fair to Matt at all. He doesn't like this ex, yet what I love most about my hubby is that he's not controlling and doesn't tell me who I can and can't talk to.
It's so crazy and stupid just how much I've tried to make this friendship last. I am going to cut ties with everyone. Apparently though, everybody in his family think I still want him when I've made it PERFECTLY clear that all I want from him is friendship. I married and love someone else and have a beautiful daughter b/c of this wonderful relationship. It really sucks b/c we, my ex and I, have a dog together and there's nothing more that I want than that dog. He's never going to take the dog with him when he moves since he's in the military. I asked repeatedly to have him since I gave it to him for Christmas one year. The dog would have a great home instead of being couped up in a house all day. Yet, he continues to tell me no and does it out of spite. Now you tell me if that's a "saint" like he makes himself out to be?
He HAS turned into "THAT" guy that he said he would never be. He has become cocky, arrogant, a cheater, and someone that I don't want in my life anymore. I'm saddened by this and who he has become b/c he tries to portray this sweet and innocent guy, I knew someone totally different than I think any of his other g/fs have, but like I said, I'm washing my hands of this matter and moving on. I cannot stay stuck in the past with him and his issues about it. I've apologized and let it go, on both sides of everything. He can sit her and continue to blame me over the past, but it will continue to eat him alive. I'm 25 years old...a wife...a mother and I certainly don't have time for petty issues like this anymore. I'm a mature adult and to me and to everyone else this is so immature.
I am going to write him an email and tell him exactly what I think about everything, in a mature, civil way. It's going to be straight forward, but not rude to where it seems like I'm just bantering him. I've tried to talk to call him but clearly he doesn't think it's that important, which to me if you write an email or call someone and they don't respond, it speaks HUGE volumes about anybody's character and who they really are. Either way, I don't expect a response back from him and personally, I really don't care. Like I've said, I'm tired of this, this is ridiculous. It's not fair to me and it's especially not fair to Matt and our relationship to keep worrying over a friendship that will never be...especially since this person is my ex. Sometimes people don't understand why I've tried so hard to keep it...I'm just one of those caring people that really, despite all the sadness or hurt or whatever the case may be, I don't see why we can't be friends. I think it's really immature if you've both apologized and can't be friends. I'm not talking friends as in calling each other every week or along those lines, just be able to catch up every now and then. Yet, when they either don't answer or it's a 2 min convo, it doesn't matter anymore.
The only reason I wrote this was to get it off my chest. He doesn't know about this blogging site and if he did, then I wouldn't have written it b/c I'm not going to come at someone through a blogging site. That's just dumb and really immature to me. I just had to vent. So thanks for taking the time to read. Have a great Thursday. B and I are headed off to do some errands. ♥ K
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